I never thought this would be me, because I am a highly erotic, generous, adoring lover by nature. But I'm also nowhere near the bell curve for adult human females in either my being or my circumstances, haha. Realistically, my chances of finding romantic compatibility are next to nil, if not nil. Having recently walked away from my many-eth attempt at being in a relationship, I do feel bittersweet feelings. I don't want to be in a relationship, and I'm still sad about that.
Processing, analyzing, grieving, and weirdly weightless with relief.
There was a time I didn't think it would be me either. It just was a kind of evolution, decisions made in the present moments that led me to where I am now, and I was like, "Oh... okay. Well, I'm good!"
When I decided it would be neat to take the romantic/sexual relationship and all those dynamics off the table, to experience what it would be like to not relate to anyone in that way, I had no idea it would last as long as it has and that it would feel so right.
I think I'm very protective of my space right now. All my children have moved out. The oldest are in their 40's, and my youngest is in her late 20's, but it took her a while to find her place as a young adult. She's doing really well.
The bottom line is my little studio apartment is all mine. And it is definitely set up to be a creative space. I love it.
I do find myself thinking, sometimes, what it would be like to share a life with someone you could really be yourself with, to have a partner in that way. It's a fascinating idea to me and I'm happy for and inspired by people who have that. But I guess not enough to get me out on dating apps and such, lol.
Also, I'm turning '70 this year, so my chances of finding romantic compatibility are also pretty low.
You have such a beautiful heart, Susanna, and you're so full of life. If this is your eventual desire, then I hope you will find that connection in the right time in all the ways you so richly deserve ❤️
I never thought this would be me, because I am a highly erotic, generous, adoring lover by nature. But I'm also nowhere near the bell curve for adult human females in either my being or my circumstances, haha. Realistically, my chances of finding romantic compatibility are next to nil, if not nil. Having recently walked away from my many-eth attempt at being in a relationship, I do feel bittersweet feelings. I don't want to be in a relationship, and I'm still sad about that.
Processing, analyzing, grieving, and weirdly weightless with relief.
There was a time I didn't think it would be me either. It just was a kind of evolution, decisions made in the present moments that led me to where I am now, and I was like, "Oh... okay. Well, I'm good!"
When I decided it would be neat to take the romantic/sexual relationship and all those dynamics off the table, to experience what it would be like to not relate to anyone in that way, I had no idea it would last as long as it has and that it would feel so right.
I think I'm very protective of my space right now. All my children have moved out. The oldest are in their 40's, and my youngest is in her late 20's, but it took her a while to find her place as a young adult. She's doing really well.
The bottom line is my little studio apartment is all mine. And it is definitely set up to be a creative space. I love it.
I do find myself thinking, sometimes, what it would be like to share a life with someone you could really be yourself with, to have a partner in that way. It's a fascinating idea to me and I'm happy for and inspired by people who have that. But I guess not enough to get me out on dating apps and such, lol.
Also, I'm turning '70 this year, so my chances of finding romantic compatibility are also pretty low.
You have such a beautiful heart, Susanna, and you're so full of life. If this is your eventual desire, then I hope you will find that connection in the right time in all the ways you so richly deserve ❤️
Really liked this authentic essay, Demian. And we don't need to see your grandson's face. We can just look at your face to see how adorable he is.
Awww, that's so sweet, david! Thank you. You just made me smile so big 😊 And I appreciate your kind words for the essay. It means a lot to me 🙏