David, I don't know you. But I do know some of the people who subscribe to your publication, so I have to believe your account has either been hacked or you are in an emotionally painful or angry place. If it's the later, I wish you well and sincerely hope you receive the support you need. If you are able to converse in a way that does not ignore or disrespect the realities of others, I will be glad to listen and engage in thoughtful conversation. Otherwise, I will choose to block you.
David, I don’t find you harsh as much as adversarial and diminishing of other people’s experiences. There’s no parent bashing here.
The use of words such as “baseless” and “overblown hyperbole” make it clear to me that respecting the lived realities of other people is at best difficult for you and at worst deliberately dismissing. And that’s not okay.
I recommend you find a place better suited for you to share your views in the manner you desire.
I’m a survivor parent. I was homeless with 2 kids as you were. More parents are coming forward to talk about the impact their trauma has on their kids. It’s better for me to not be alone in this. I appreciate your voice.
Wonderful to meet you, Susan Marie Mason! Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it. It *is* better to not be alone in this, isn't it? Facing these circumstances can make you feel isolated from others. I know the shame I felt made me feel different and less-than.
I'm so sorry you also experienced homelessness with two kids. It makes me feel sad that some people can be so judgemental about it, because it can be a terrifying place to be never mind with children! I'm glad our paths have crossed. I look forward to getting to know you. ❤️
I’m knocked out by your ability to communicate so clearly! I feel like I am walking beside you just talking, taking all that you are in. It is such a gift! You and your strength give me such courage ❤️
Dear, dear Caroline! That's funny, because you are a writer whose work invokes that little voice in me that says, "Ooo... I wish I wrote that", the beauty and finesse of how you weave images and words together to invoke understanding and realizations. Your kind words mean so much to me! Thank you. I appreciate you ❤️ ❤️
Oh gosh. The details of your story differ wildly from mine, but when you started describing the type of parent you are addressing, my eyes got wide like when I am triggered. But this, as my counselor would say, was a glimmer. To be seen and heard in your words and attention.
My children are young. Two and three. My husband is attentive and kind. But I'ver suffered some crazy complex medical trauma that's left me looking inward much of the time, trying to heal. I feel very inattentive to the needs of my family, though I try and am gaining energy in the trying.
Thank you so much for sharing this piece of your story, Christianna Joy Scott! And welcome!
I do think there are a number of extenuating circumstances that can make us not available to our children--psychological, physical, circumstances out of our immediate control, and any combination thereof. It's a hard place to be. I think when we can connect with the heart of that, regardless of the reasons that put us there, that's a beautiful thing for our healing.
Finding a balance between taking care of yourself so you *can* eventually be there more fully present for your kids, and taking the time to be present with your kids, just as you are, is a challenge.
For myself, I was struggling with feeling so damaged and low self-esteemed that considering myself to be good enough as I was for my kids at that time was not something I could conceive!
I'm glad you are here. I look forward to learning from you, as well, Christianna, and holding space for whatever you wish to share ❤️
Demian, thank you so much for this invitation. I am planning to write next week about one practice which helped me stay present with my children when I didn't know how. Would you like me to share that link here, when it's available? I'm not looking for self-promotion, just to share this particular story!
I love this piece Demian, although I don’t have children, I resonate with it in different ways, I as a survivor chose to not have children—I am 41 now, and would be terrified that something like what happened to me, would happen them, and I would find that very, very hard to live with. Sometimes I wish I did have children, but all that terrifying abuse haunts me, and I think twice. I am so glad you are out there helping other survivors, and survivors who are parents, it is so important!!! Thank you for this!❤️
Oh my goodness, I appreciate your comment SO much! Thank you for such kind and loving words of support. Means the world to me.
I know there are more than a few survivors who have made that same decision for themselves, and I so respect that. I had children before I realized the depth of my abuse, so I'm not sure what I would have done had it all sunk in sooner, or if I had the subsequent flashbacks before I conceived rather than after.
Of course, I would not give them back for anything now, but it was a rough road, for me and for them. They are the best people though, and I'm grateful for them in my life. Still, there's much healing to be done, and so like everything I write, I wrote this essay as much for me as anyone else!
I really appreciate your brave work. Your vulnerability is astounding and fierce. So much respect for you ❤️
David, I don't know you. But I do know some of the people who subscribe to your publication, so I have to believe your account has either been hacked or you are in an emotionally painful or angry place. If it's the later, I wish you well and sincerely hope you receive the support you need. If you are able to converse in a way that does not ignore or disrespect the realities of others, I will be glad to listen and engage in thoughtful conversation. Otherwise, I will choose to block you.
David, I don’t find you harsh as much as adversarial and diminishing of other people’s experiences. There’s no parent bashing here.
The use of words such as “baseless” and “overblown hyperbole” make it clear to me that respecting the lived realities of other people is at best difficult for you and at worst deliberately dismissing. And that’s not okay.
I recommend you find a place better suited for you to share your views in the manner you desire.
I’m a survivor parent. I was homeless with 2 kids as you were. More parents are coming forward to talk about the impact their trauma has on their kids. It’s better for me to not be alone in this. I appreciate your voice.
Wonderful to meet you, Susan Marie Mason! Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it. It *is* better to not be alone in this, isn't it? Facing these circumstances can make you feel isolated from others. I know the shame I felt made me feel different and less-than.
I'm so sorry you also experienced homelessness with two kids. It makes me feel sad that some people can be so judgemental about it, because it can be a terrifying place to be never mind with children! I'm glad our paths have crossed. I look forward to getting to know you. ❤️
I’m knocked out by your ability to communicate so clearly! I feel like I am walking beside you just talking, taking all that you are in. It is such a gift! You and your strength give me such courage ❤️
Dear, dear Caroline! That's funny, because you are a writer whose work invokes that little voice in me that says, "Ooo... I wish I wrote that", the beauty and finesse of how you weave images and words together to invoke understanding and realizations. Your kind words mean so much to me! Thank you. I appreciate you ❤️ ❤️
Oh gosh. The details of your story differ wildly from mine, but when you started describing the type of parent you are addressing, my eyes got wide like when I am triggered. But this, as my counselor would say, was a glimmer. To be seen and heard in your words and attention.
My children are young. Two and three. My husband is attentive and kind. But I'ver suffered some crazy complex medical trauma that's left me looking inward much of the time, trying to heal. I feel very inattentive to the needs of my family, though I try and am gaining energy in the trying.
Very excited to be hear, to learn and listen.
Thank you so much for sharing this piece of your story, Christianna Joy Scott! And welcome!
I do think there are a number of extenuating circumstances that can make us not available to our children--psychological, physical, circumstances out of our immediate control, and any combination thereof. It's a hard place to be. I think when we can connect with the heart of that, regardless of the reasons that put us there, that's a beautiful thing for our healing.
Finding a balance between taking care of yourself so you *can* eventually be there more fully present for your kids, and taking the time to be present with your kids, just as you are, is a challenge.
For myself, I was struggling with feeling so damaged and low self-esteemed that considering myself to be good enough as I was for my kids at that time was not something I could conceive!
I'm glad you are here. I look forward to learning from you, as well, Christianna, and holding space for whatever you wish to share ❤️
Demian, thank you so much for this invitation. I am planning to write next week about one practice which helped me stay present with my children when I didn't know how. Would you like me to share that link here, when it's available? I'm not looking for self-promotion, just to share this particular story!
Oh my goodness, I would love that! Thank you ❤️ Sharing generously like that is a loving gesture, not self-promotion. ❤️
And I just subscribed so I can be sure to be notified that way too. Look forward to your insights 🤗
Thank you so much, Demian! ❤️
I love this piece Demian, although I don’t have children, I resonate with it in different ways, I as a survivor chose to not have children—I am 41 now, and would be terrified that something like what happened to me, would happen them, and I would find that very, very hard to live with. Sometimes I wish I did have children, but all that terrifying abuse haunts me, and I think twice. I am so glad you are out there helping other survivors, and survivors who are parents, it is so important!!! Thank you for this!❤️
Oh my goodness, I appreciate your comment SO much! Thank you for such kind and loving words of support. Means the world to me.
I know there are more than a few survivors who have made that same decision for themselves, and I so respect that. I had children before I realized the depth of my abuse, so I'm not sure what I would have done had it all sunk in sooner, or if I had the subsequent flashbacks before I conceived rather than after.
Of course, I would not give them back for anything now, but it was a rough road, for me and for them. They are the best people though, and I'm grateful for them in my life. Still, there's much healing to be done, and so like everything I write, I wrote this essay as much for me as anyone else!
I really appreciate your brave work. Your vulnerability is astounding and fierce. So much respect for you ❤️