Question: "What’s your relationship with asking questions? Is it an apologetic one? Does the thought of asking terrify you? Do you feel embarrassed, because if anyone in the room is going to ask a stupid question, it’s going to be you? Were you ever given permission to ask questions, not just why is the sky blue, but why did you hit me?"
Just some questions to contemplate or share your thoughts on here. My relationship with asking questions as an *advocate* was excellent. No problem there. I am forthright and can be fierce if needed.
But for myself? Entirely different story. I strove to not rock the boat in personal relationships, but in therapeutic relationships? Well... I mostly avoided those. So I have scant few experiences in a therapist's office as a client, but a lot as my brother's advocate. Also, a lot of experience in self-help groups, small and large.
That may change though. I have an appointment this afternoon to fill out scholarship papers for counseling at a center that focuses on survivors of sexual abuse. Wish me luck!
Demian, I am so happy that you wrote this piece!! There are so many great nuggets here and I don't know where to start lol.
I honestly don't think we talk enough about power dynamics and how they color so many interactions. Especially for women, women of color. But also, like you stated, theres an extra layer for those of us who were raised to be obedient and to never question authority. Raised to believe that older people are always wiser...These are myths that I am working to unfurl. Thank you for your wisdom and insight.
Also, I have a VERY vocal pittie mix who requires immediate answers!
I wish you could see the big smile on my face when I read your words. Wouldn't be wrong to say I look stupid happy, lol.
I love that you have the delight of a pittie mix in your life! Aren't they the best? Also love their expressive eyebrows, omg! And among the kindest and most compassionate little beings. We could learn so much from them.
Thank you so much for your kind words, and absolutely delighted to be walking this journey with you. So much to unfurl, yes? But how much nicer to not struggle through it alone. I just got back from filling out forms for a scholarship for therapy with a trauma and sex abuse counseling center. I'm told I got it, and will start in a couple weeks.
I can't wait... and also I can totally wait. I have an ambivalent relationship with the mental health system, but I feel the women there are pretty wonderful, and I'm ready, and need this for the deeper dive I'm doing.
Truth be known, being inspired by the writings and the incredibly vulnerable sharing of others such as yourself is such wonderful encouragement, telling me I'm not alone, that it's okay to ask for help. Can you tell I need to read what I write, lol?
Anyway, thank you for being here, Caroline, for your presence that lightens up this corner of my world, and always, the magic you weave with your words ❤️
Thank you so much!! I too have spent many years in therapy...and it’s wonderful but HARD work. I’m so happy you have this opportunity. And I’m even happier that writing has proven to be such a helpful output for you. It’s magic when you’re able to read something and go “damn, that’s exactly what I’m feeling.” I’ve done group therapy and been to treatment centers and there’s nothing quite like knowing there are others who truly understand your pain ❤️
This is so well put! Lately I have been thinking and writing furiously on the ways that people use the language of spirituality and healing to manipulate people and circumstances. And I think this way of looking at how questions are handled is a great tool for spotting toxic spirituality!
Yes! It's disconcerting how many people are sucked into cult or cult-like groups, posing as healing/support/spiritual groups! There are so many doorways into falling under another person's control. I suppose it depends on which vulnerability they want to target, but they can just as easily swap out one shingle for the next. Controlling or preventing your ability to ask questions is a common tactic, a red flag to be sure. Thank you for speaking out and writing about it!
Yes! I coined the term Soft-Core Cult to describe when we see this in dysfunctional families, toxic work teams, healing communities, or any kind of social group. I'm sharing your article out on my instagram page today!
Ooo, soft-core cult, I like that. Soft core maybe, but sharp and quick to make you bleed. I read over your post quickly, and it's quite rich in information. When I can sit with a hot cup of tea, I will read over it again, and savor your insights. Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing my post! ❤️
Question: "What’s your relationship with asking questions? Is it an apologetic one? Does the thought of asking terrify you? Do you feel embarrassed, because if anyone in the room is going to ask a stupid question, it’s going to be you? Were you ever given permission to ask questions, not just why is the sky blue, but why did you hit me?"
Just some questions to contemplate or share your thoughts on here. My relationship with asking questions as an *advocate* was excellent. No problem there. I am forthright and can be fierce if needed.
But for myself? Entirely different story. I strove to not rock the boat in personal relationships, but in therapeutic relationships? Well... I mostly avoided those. So I have scant few experiences in a therapist's office as a client, but a lot as my brother's advocate. Also, a lot of experience in self-help groups, small and large.
That may change though. I have an appointment this afternoon to fill out scholarship papers for counseling at a center that focuses on survivors of sexual abuse. Wish me luck!
Demian, I am so happy that you wrote this piece!! There are so many great nuggets here and I don't know where to start lol.
I honestly don't think we talk enough about power dynamics and how they color so many interactions. Especially for women, women of color. But also, like you stated, theres an extra layer for those of us who were raised to be obedient and to never question authority. Raised to believe that older people are always wiser...These are myths that I am working to unfurl. Thank you for your wisdom and insight.
Also, I have a VERY vocal pittie mix who requires immediate answers!
I wish you could see the big smile on my face when I read your words. Wouldn't be wrong to say I look stupid happy, lol.
I love that you have the delight of a pittie mix in your life! Aren't they the best? Also love their expressive eyebrows, omg! And among the kindest and most compassionate little beings. We could learn so much from them.
Thank you so much for your kind words, and absolutely delighted to be walking this journey with you. So much to unfurl, yes? But how much nicer to not struggle through it alone. I just got back from filling out forms for a scholarship for therapy with a trauma and sex abuse counseling center. I'm told I got it, and will start in a couple weeks.
I can't wait... and also I can totally wait. I have an ambivalent relationship with the mental health system, but I feel the women there are pretty wonderful, and I'm ready, and need this for the deeper dive I'm doing.
Truth be known, being inspired by the writings and the incredibly vulnerable sharing of others such as yourself is such wonderful encouragement, telling me I'm not alone, that it's okay to ask for help. Can you tell I need to read what I write, lol?
Anyway, thank you for being here, Caroline, for your presence that lightens up this corner of my world, and always, the magic you weave with your words ❤️
Thank you so much!! I too have spent many years in therapy...and it’s wonderful but HARD work. I’m so happy you have this opportunity. And I’m even happier that writing has proven to be such a helpful output for you. It’s magic when you’re able to read something and go “damn, that’s exactly what I’m feeling.” I’ve done group therapy and been to treatment centers and there’s nothing quite like knowing there are others who truly understand your pain ❤️
❤️ And again, I smile ❤️
This is so well put! Lately I have been thinking and writing furiously on the ways that people use the language of spirituality and healing to manipulate people and circumstances. And I think this way of looking at how questions are handled is a great tool for spotting toxic spirituality!
Yes! It's disconcerting how many people are sucked into cult or cult-like groups, posing as healing/support/spiritual groups! There are so many doorways into falling under another person's control. I suppose it depends on which vulnerability they want to target, but they can just as easily swap out one shingle for the next. Controlling or preventing your ability to ask questions is a common tactic, a red flag to be sure. Thank you for speaking out and writing about it!
Yes! I coined the term Soft-Core Cult to describe when we see this in dysfunctional families, toxic work teams, healing communities, or any kind of social group. I'm sharing your article out on my instagram page today!
Ooo, soft-core cult, I like that. Soft core maybe, but sharp and quick to make you bleed. I read over your post quickly, and it's quite rich in information. When I can sit with a hot cup of tea, I will read over it again, and savor your insights. Thank you for writing, and thank you for sharing my post! ❤️