🎧 I Had a Dream Once
What does "Keeping the Dream Mean?"
Audio of post read by the author
I had a dream once…
when I was a kid.
I dreamt about being a ballerina, but it’s not that dream.
And I dreamt of becoming a singer, and then a writer, but it wasn’t those dreams, either.
They were my dreams, yes, but it wasn’t long into any of them before they were diminished or dismissed for reasons outside of me — parents who used my dreams to prop up their egos, or made them carry the weight of vindication for past wrongs.
“When you’re famous, then they’ll be sorry.” That was my mom.
But before all that, behind all that, behind the images of what I thought my dreams were, I had a dream, a beautiful dream that I believe rides the beat of every kid’s heart.
I dreamt of happy…
and well fed, and taken care of, of kind words and warm arms, safe. I dreamt of knowing I was alive and welcomed, of exploring, and learning, and home.
I dreamt of saying, “I am here”, in as many different ways as I can, and someone hearing and smiling.
I dreamt of sharp blues and sun skies. I dreamt of soft white meandering clouds on lazy afternoons, wind rushing across my face and swooping up squeals of laughter, my laughter, to carry away to far lands. I dreamt of flying higher and higher on swings as if they were my wings.
I dreamt of falling stars, and catching them in the arms of my wishes.
I dreamt of possibilities, and wonder, and beginnings, and they were all endless.
This is every child’s dream, and every person who’s ever been one.
And then for some of us a darkness came.
Not the dark of night, from where dreams arise, and poetry germinates its sudden insights of understanding, or brushes of it. But musty-in-the-cellar dark, where even the centipedes and silverfish avoid.
That dark, that doesn’t just swallow the stars out of sight, but erases them out of existence.
Or that’s the belief or the fear—sometimes they’re the same.
I had a dream once.
It’s still there… in a place where my spirit remembers a song I have forgotten, but once sang in every cell of my being.
A kid’s dream. A child’s dream. Not of being a fire fighter or teacher or doctor, not even a ballerina or singer or writer. Not “What do I want to be when I grow up?”.
But “Who am I now? ”
And “What do I want?”
I want happiness, I want to receive and to give.
I want the nurturance of true sustenance. I want to feel the warmth of safety, and the thrill of discovery, and a good journey that ultimately takes me home. I want to love and be loved.
I want to laugh and to feel free, to be free, to know the ecstasy and the beauty and the joy of the present moment, to feel the promise of flying while still anchored to this earth.
I want to hope, no matter what I see.
And to always be wise enough and childlike enough to make a wish on a falling star, where nothing is impossible and everything has the potential to be new.
In other words, I want what everyone wants no matter where they live, or who they are, or who they love.
We all have had this dream…
…if only for a moment. Even if that moment was when it whispered to you before your first cry out of your mother’s womb.
Before the world snatched it, you heard it. You were born with it.
Every child has dreamt this. Every child dreams this.
Your parents, they didn’t give it to you. They may honor it and nurture it, if you’re lucky, or they may crush it, by themselves or in concert with the world. But it’s not theirs to give. It doesn’t belong to them.
It’s a dream, and this Dream belongs to Life. The first breath of life gave this dream to you.
That is the dream I am reclaiming…
…when I say, “Keeping the Dream”. That is the one I hold in whatever form it takes at whatever juncture I stand or path I walk. It is mine.
And it is yours. Every heart has a right to claim this dream inside themselves, and to see it come true in their life, in the lives of their children and in the world. Any belief to the contrary is a lie.
This is what keeping the dream means to me—to keep the truth of this dream alive, in me, and through inspiration, perhaps, in you.
You have a dream.
That dream. Do you remember it? Does it ever whisper to you when your mind wanders or tap you on the shoulder when you’re looking the other away?
Is it calling your name, right now?
Listen… it is.
Until next time, stay true to your dream, to the light in your heart, to who you are and who you are becoming, always.
~ demian yumei
Keeping the Dream